I wanted to write about grief and deep sadness, about what I am feeling right now that the father of our nation and the inspirational human being - Nelson Mandela, is preparing for his journey home to be with his ancestors and at the same time honouring my beloved mother, born Myra Steckoll, who passed on the 27th June 1993 - 20 years ago. Its a time of deep reflection and for me a time to honour the past 20 years, where I have been and how my life has changed so much during this time.
One of my memories, is that when my mother passed one of the things I was most sad about is that she didn't witness our new democracy and Nelson Mandela becoming our very first freely elected president. My mom died when things were crazy in South Africa and we were so unsure of what the future held. We spoke about this in her last few months and how it has been to be a black person in the old South Africa and how things would maybe change. We were so unsure then, we didn't know the miracle that was about to unfold. When I stood for hours in the queue on the 27 April 1994, I held my mother so in my heart, knowing that somehow she was with me and we were voting for this new democracy together.
The stories that we carry from those days, the days of darkness and so much violence and fear, of the most horrible crimes against innocent people, the chaos, the weird rules imposed on us that kept us separated and in the dark, need to be told and shared. Fear and control, people taking risks and being arrested for crazy things, beaten for nothing, killed because of the colour of their skin and for not having a "dom-pass" when they walked on the streets after 8 at night. Memories of going to Johnny Clegg concerts at Good Hope Stadium, and when he sang Asimbonanga, the security police would stand with guns on the top floor while we lit our lighters and sang for Mandela on Robben Island and our freedom which one day, may come.
There are so many memories, so much sadness and so much opportunity to celebrate, grow and change. I can't quite believe its 20 years since my mother died, its such a long time. There is so much of my life and experiences I haven't been able to share with her. Nicole, my daughter was 12 years old when her granny died, she's going to 32 this year - so much of her growth and her amazing life experiences that I haven't been able to share with my mom, in real time. But I have shared each moment of those 20 years with her as she lives within me and within my heart and my memories always. I carry her in me and with me always and we walk my journey and that of my daughter together.
And I believe that we will walk with Madbia and carry him in our hearts and in our lives forever - its not a loss, its not goodbye, it never really is as there is no real separation. There is the absence of the body, but never of the soul. I know that because I was with my mother just after she took her final breath, and I felt her everywhere, I knew deep in my very being that she had expanded and taken on something far greater than her physical body. And I felt her in my heart and I knew, really knew.
Grief is an amazing experience if we allow it be. Its a gift, an opportunity to celebrate the life, honour the person, the love, and to feel our own vulnerability. The aspect of ourselves that has to confront our own mortality and face our own death and moving on from this physical plane. We, as a nation are going into a period of deep grief and of mourning. Its time to take a moment out of the daily mayhem and busyness and take some time to say thank you, to honour and celebrate a human being who has brought so much light, peace, forgiveness, reconciliation and absolute joy into our lives and brought into being something so very great, a rainbow nation and possibilities of peaceful change.
When I was in Italy last year, at the Vatican, the day before Good Friday and I went to the shop where I bought a few trinkets, I met a nun who was from an Asian country, can't remember where. She asked where I was from and I told her South Africa, and she looked at me, smiled and said "You have Nelson Mandela". I said yes smiling back. We shared a moment and she said "you are very blessed in South Africa to have such a beautiful soul like Nelson Mandela." and I replied "I wish South African's would really know that", well, I think we do know that now.
I miss you mom.
Hamba kakuhle Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela
Be in Peace x
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| My beautiful mother on her wedding day 23 December 1957. |
One of my memories, is that when my mother passed one of the things I was most sad about is that she didn't witness our new democracy and Nelson Mandela becoming our very first freely elected president. My mom died when things were crazy in South Africa and we were so unsure of what the future held. We spoke about this in her last few months and how it has been to be a black person in the old South Africa and how things would maybe change. We were so unsure then, we didn't know the miracle that was about to unfold. When I stood for hours in the queue on the 27 April 1994, I held my mother so in my heart, knowing that somehow she was with me and we were voting for this new democracy together.
The stories that we carry from those days, the days of darkness and so much violence and fear, of the most horrible crimes against innocent people, the chaos, the weird rules imposed on us that kept us separated and in the dark, need to be told and shared. Fear and control, people taking risks and being arrested for crazy things, beaten for nothing, killed because of the colour of their skin and for not having a "dom-pass" when they walked on the streets after 8 at night. Memories of going to Johnny Clegg concerts at Good Hope Stadium, and when he sang Asimbonanga, the security police would stand with guns on the top floor while we lit our lighters and sang for Mandela on Robben Island and our freedom which one day, may come.
There are so many memories, so much sadness and so much opportunity to celebrate, grow and change. I can't quite believe its 20 years since my mother died, its such a long time. There is so much of my life and experiences I haven't been able to share with her. Nicole, my daughter was 12 years old when her granny died, she's going to 32 this year - so much of her growth and her amazing life experiences that I haven't been able to share with my mom, in real time. But I have shared each moment of those 20 years with her as she lives within me and within my heart and my memories always. I carry her in me and with me always and we walk my journey and that of my daughter together.
And I believe that we will walk with Madbia and carry him in our hearts and in our lives forever - its not a loss, its not goodbye, it never really is as there is no real separation. There is the absence of the body, but never of the soul. I know that because I was with my mother just after she took her final breath, and I felt her everywhere, I knew deep in my very being that she had expanded and taken on something far greater than her physical body. And I felt her in my heart and I knew, really knew.
Grief is an amazing experience if we allow it be. Its a gift, an opportunity to celebrate the life, honour the person, the love, and to feel our own vulnerability. The aspect of ourselves that has to confront our own mortality and face our own death and moving on from this physical plane. We, as a nation are going into a period of deep grief and of mourning. Its time to take a moment out of the daily mayhem and busyness and take some time to say thank you, to honour and celebrate a human being who has brought so much light, peace, forgiveness, reconciliation and absolute joy into our lives and brought into being something so very great, a rainbow nation and possibilities of peaceful change.
When I was in Italy last year, at the Vatican, the day before Good Friday and I went to the shop where I bought a few trinkets, I met a nun who was from an Asian country, can't remember where. She asked where I was from and I told her South Africa, and she looked at me, smiled and said "You have Nelson Mandela". I said yes smiling back. We shared a moment and she said "you are very blessed in South Africa to have such a beautiful soul like Nelson Mandela." and I replied "I wish South African's would really know that", well, I think we do know that now.
I miss you mom.
Hamba kakuhle Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela
Be in Peace x
