It's 2017 and my vision for this year is CONNECTION and what a beautiful way is for me to Reawaken this blog: Nidhi's Sacred Adventure, my sacred adventure. So here I am again and I am so happy to be here again. This is a reawakening for me on very many levels - besides the blog, I am reconnecting with ME - it may sound contrived and self-indulgent, but as I unfold and allow my truth out, I know that there will be a better understanding as to how important it is for me - and you - to really connect with me (or you) - ourselves.
There is much happening in our broken and damaged world and the levels of trauma, abuse, unkindness, and evil control is on a mammoth level. The only place for us to go - or should I say - for me to go is in and reconnect with myself in a very deep, honest and authentic way.
When your favourite cup smashes in 100's of pieces, even with an expert porcelain repairer, there will be hairline cracks that never go away. These are the scars that remain with us as we walk through our life, reminders of where we have been, and a beautiful inspiration to know what each of these hairline scars contributes to our learning. I am at a crossroads within myself at the moment in time. And this is the opportunity for me to get so incredibly real - honest - raw and primal - so that I step out of the shame and expose the authentic me. This is the time and this is the decision and choice that I am making. And I am so f....k..g scared, terrified, vulnerable. And this is my medium of the honesty and realness, just as I shared my sacred journey in 2012, my adventure continues.
This morning I read this:
Be Still in Haste - Wendell Berry
How quietly I begin again
From this moment
looking at the clock,
I start over
So much time has passed
and is equated by whatever
Split second is present
From this
Moment this Moment
is the first
At the age of 18, I met a man - he is my daughter's father - we were together for 6 years, 4 of which we were married. The levels of abuse and violation that I received from this man were horrific - and I have not spoken about it for more than 37 years - trapped in a place of victimhood, I have managed, survived, rebuilt, grown and become the exceptional woman I am now - but deep within my being is a broken soul that needs to step out from behind the shame, humiliation, resentment, anger, rage, manipulation, dishonesty, deceit and many other emotions and feelings that I have used to abuse and punish myself. Well, today - in this moment - I begin again.
At the time of my birth, I entered the world into a loveless, manipulative, violent, dishonest, shame-filled family, linked with generations of abuse and shame - into a time of where women silently fulfilled their roles, dissatisfied with their lives but staying in the place of where their mothers were.
Nidhi's adventure that continues at this moment is one of the healing and reconciliation I am having with myself. And how glad I am to have a place to hold myself accountable and have the opportunity to heal what is broken in me.
