Divine Seed

Its Sunday the 28th October, the day the clocks are set an hour back in the UK as winter is fast approaching and its cold here - very little sunshine.  And its 3 days before I fly home to South Africa after what has been the most amazing, inspiring, life changing experience and I am here in Chiswick, London staying with my wonderful friend Kara and her blessed family. I am super excited to land on SA soil, to feel and breathe the rhythm of Africa, to feel the warm sunshine and the openess of the Garden Route and the magic and sacred waters of my beloved river, the ocean the beaches and the beautiful people I hold in my heart, but there is a feeling of fear and I am feeling a certain amount of apprehension about my return and how its all going to be.  This is a good thing, why ?, because it gets me to observe what is happening for me and to ask the questions as to why I am feeling these emotions especially after all the amazing work I am doing and experiences I have been having over these past months.  My daughter said to me this morning - "Mom you have the power, you went to Russia !" and she is so right and I have been to places and done things that have created a brevity within myself that I never thought possible.

So why the fear about going home ?  there is much said about the issues in life that will always be there no matter where we go, or whom we are with, no matter what,  the issues will remain until they are dealt with and confronted and we take full responsibility for what is happening to create the issues.  When I left South Africa on this amazing journey, I had certain things that were not working for me in my life, I was lonely and needed to make changes.  And I have and I have been able to really confront my loneliness and also stimulate myself, meet amazing people, having unbelievable experiences all while living out of one suitcase and a backpack, and really get in touch with me, myself and I.  What an amazing journey this has been for me and many times I have commented on the reflection of my beauty and inspiration in the amazing people I have met and really deeply connected with.  And the gift and magic of it all - I have beloved friends all over the world and have conquered a huge
challenge - being alone !

So the fear about going home is about something else.  Its a projection and a wondering and a questioning of myself and the path that I have chosen to take as I walk my walk on this magnificent earth. I found this amazing quotation written by Hafiz just as I was sitting contemplating how to share what is happening with me and feeling compelled to do so.  It brings me to sharing my split open, the point of making the decision to walk the path of being congruent and walking my talk - becoming the Sacred Divine Adventurer inspiring and sharing my divine seed which in turn will inspire others to shine their light and be their magnificent selves.  And it is with this inspiration and this passion I decided to make a big change in my life and stop smoking marijuana 15 months ago.  When I made this decision I was at a crossroads in my life and I realized that to be authentic and really fulfill the essence of my life's purpose, I needed to clear away the fog and the clouds of deception.  I felt I was out of integrity and trying to balance a reality that was dishonest and filled with deceit.  The decision was an amazing one for me, and I really started feeling the shift almost immediately.  I had smoked for 23 years and only started when I was 27 years old, so it was an adult decision for me.  And it was amazing for me as I opened up to a part of myself that I didn't know existed and it assisted to meet friends and other people from all walks of life who were doing it too.  I felt accepted and part of something.  One of the most alive memories for me is that when smoking a joint with kitchen staff in bars and lounges in Cape Town in the 1980's,  when we were going through so much in our country, and the information of what was going on was withheld from us, the opportunity arose by sharing and chatting with people living in the townships,  giving me the opportunity to know more of what was happening and to share moments of compassion for the devastation.  Marijuana was the thing that brought us together, but it was the thing that exposed me to a darkness as well, and other drugs and the damage that it was doing to other's lives, especially young people.  I  always justified my usage and kept my world clear and filled with light and love, but if I am honest with myself and really look at the path that I decided to follow, this was an illusion.  We are all one and what I do and am part of, reflects in others and visa verse.  I carried this for 23 years.  And even when I stopped smoking I didn't realize how out of integrity I was with myself.  My journey has brought me to a new awareness now and it with this awareness that I need to make amends heal this part of my life.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He/She did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He/She will make all things right
if I surrender to His/Her Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him/Her
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

I return to South Africa and begin my new life with clarity, with congruency, with an openess and with an honesty and self respect at the space I am in.  I have undertaken a path of Love in Action with my life and my work, and as I grow and develop this truth in my life and walk on my path in full integrity, I know that there are moments where I may stand alone, and walk on shaky ground, where my truth is questioned or where I question myself and have to make decisions that are not always comfortable.  I have met quite a few people on my journey that have made the same decisions within their life to make changes about confronting addictions and working the steps to recovery, making amends and living a more spiritual life.  They are beautiful authentic people who hold the Grace of God deep within their heart and this has inspired me and filled me with a new found light and strength to step each step of my life connected with Spirit and in the Light of Love.  This is a blessed decision holding a huge amount of support and love.  This is the ancient fertile plain that I believe I hold title to.  And sharing my moment of splitting open and discovering something that has been holding me back and dimming my light, is such a congruent moment for me, as it gives me the sacred opportunity to be open and honest in everything that I do and say, even when I write my blog posts as a sacred divine adventurer.

 if light is in your heart you will find your way home - Rumi

Thank you for reading my splitting open sharing and for walking my path with me.  May I continue to inspire and honour this journey that I have undertaken and keep true to my word.  I am a blessed being filled with so much light and honour and blessings, and I truly hope that as I continue with this adventure, that the light will continue to shine brightly.

Until next time, Om Shanti Shanti Shanti xxx

What a gift this is !

Suddenly, very very quickly, and quite out of the blue, I realised that tomorrow 2 weeks I am flying home to SA.  A lifetime of journey or maybe a journey of a lifetime is winding to a place of closure and re-opening to something new.  When I embarked on my journey, so many of my beloved friends shared with me that I would change, that I would be a different person through the experiences I would have and through the people that I would meet along the way, and I knew in theory they were correct and that such a big adventure could only bring about expanding and opening of new parts of myself.  But I was never quite sure of what the changes and shifts would be, how could I as all was still in an itinerary and in my vision still to be created and experienced.  Well I can say now, with all my conviction, that through the experiences that I have lived in the past 7 months, I have shifted, transformed and am returning to South Africa with new feelings about myself.  The shifts and changes are subtle and deep within my being, the acceptance of myself and who I AM is for me the reflection of my sacred, divine adventure and the mirror has been in the amazing people I have met and interacted with, through whom I have been able to witness Who I Am - and my eyes have been opened.
What a gift this is !

Its very interesting for me to have been ill these past 2 weeks as when I left the Garden Route and left SA, I was also ill and my body is such a wonderful indicator for me to read how I carry my stress, fear, angst and healing processes.  How different the 2 experiences have been and I am amazed and how important this time of healing and resting, being in such a gentle, loving healing space with my beloved friend Santosh, reflects the change and the shift in my manifestation and the mammoth transformation I have gone through.  What a gift this is !

There is something I would like to share ............. I lived in Cape Town in the 1980's,  a time when SA was going through such turbulence and terrible times, there was so much fear, there were bombs and explosions, arrests, no freedom of expression and it was horrible.  I was a young mother then and so much of what was happening around me was a reflection of what was happening within my own life, trying to survive in a very shaky world and there was a place where I would go for inspiration, to reflect and to gain power.  This is Chapmans Peak.  I would sit on the side of the road on the pass and look at to the point over the vast ocean and I  would prayer, talk to God, and I would get power and strength to carry on and I always knew that all would be okay.  This power point is extremely beautiful.  During the years that I have been living first in Jozi and the on the Garden Route, every time I go to Cape Town, I visit Chapmans Peak and have a moment with this point always using my time there to ask for guidance and to say thank you for the immensity of this power point for me.  And now, from 1 Dec 2012, I am relocating to Cape Town and have found a garden apartment in Hout Bay, 5 mins from Chapmans Peak. What is so amazing about this is that I am so excited to go to my fav. spot and open my arms and embrace my power point and just say Thank You - I have gained so much courage from this point of power, so much strength to get through so many dark and lonely moments in my life, and now I have the honour of being able to say Thank You.  What a gift this is !

My time in Scotland, after Findhorn, has been very still and much of the time has been resting and healing in the guest room of Santosh in Rosyth.  And during this time, there have been very few sunny, warm days, mostly rain, grey and cold days, making resting and being quiet really easy.  And giving me the opportunity to just be still.  I haven't seen much of this beautiful land, but the bits I have seen are so beautiful, especially the sky, so open, close to the earth and just expanded.  On Sunday that has just passed, Santosh and I set off on an adventure to a place called the Hermitage, near Dunkeld, in the Scottish Highlands.  I discovered it when we arrived there that I had stopped there on my way to Rosyth, and so wanted to get out and walk in the forest near the river but it was raining.  Well this time we went prepared with boots and umbrellas, jackets, water, etc. for our adventure.  Santosh is far more prepared that I am - she lives here and knows that the sun has only shone about 15 days this year, but I come from Africa so my wardrobe is slightly different.  Anyway it was amazing, walking in this magical forest, with moss and trees and just the wonders of the natural world so abundant.  A fairy playground I am sure, I could almost hear their laughter and joy as we walked and breathed the crisp, cleansing air and felt the invigorating coldness on our skin.  The sun popped in every now and again, but generally it was muddy and wet, and I did slip at one point and ended up with a brown muddy patch on my knee - but it didn't matter, this was medicine for my soul and I loved every moment of our walk.  We ended at the car park with a delicious coffee and muffin from the vendor, and then set off on a drive through Dundee along the Fife Coastal Route all along fishing and other villages, all steeped with history and amazing stories.  It was a wonderful day, and having Fish & Chips in a fishing village called Anstruther, drinking organic Elderberry wine, and a walk on the pier after sunset.  A wonderful day with a wonderful friend, and so amazing to have someone to share magic moments with, take photos, laugh and just be - What a gift it is !

 The last time I spend my birthday alone was in 1979, I turned 19 and was living in Hillbrow, Jozi in a bachelor flat, and I was in a not so good space in my life.  31 years later, I am about to spend my birthday alone, in that I don't have my friends and family with me, but not alone by any means in that I am going to do a detox retreat in Norfolk  and will be pampered, nurtured, healed and renewed, which is such a perfect way to spend my birthday, and honour myself and the journey I have just been on.  I am reflecting on how my life has shifted and changed, not only on this adventure, but as each year and milestone is reached, the manifestation and growth I have undertaken has been phenomenal, and here I am at 52 in the most perfect place right now, spending time with ME, What a gift it is !

My next post may be from London, it may be from OR Tambo Airport, and it may be from the Garden Route.  I only have 2 weeks left of my journey and want to make the most of each and every moment.  I have so much inspiration to share and will have much to write about as my Sacred Adventure continues, but that is then and this is NOW.  Being in each moment and loving what is, is such a gift, and What a gift it is !

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti xxx

Love & Magic & Miracles at Findhorn

Findhorn has been something quite extraordinary and since I arriving there,  it feels like I have been there a lifetime.  I have had my heart expanded to new levels and the magic and essence of  the Findhorn community is something that I dreamed of experiencing for so long.  Findhorn is a community living love in action on every level, the people are amazing, and their essence is so beautiful.  I witnessed a feeling of being safe like I have never quite experience before in my life.

                            

I participated in experience week workshop for my first week and stayed at Cluny Hill, the building which was the first hotel that Peter & Eileen Caddy & Dorothy McClean ran with God's guidance more than 50 years ago.  Its a beautiful old building with amazing trees and woods behind it and view of green rolling hills, a golf course which although not an amazing, environmentally aware space, ensures that no other development or building will happen preserving their view. 

The dining room at Cluny is quite an extraordinary room with big windows looking over the golf course and gardens, where the sun streams in (when it shines) so beautifully.  Cluny is like Hogwarts and the hotel from Faulty Towers, with everything in between. Experience week is a full immersion in the community of Findhorn Foundation and each activity and process is a beautiful way to feel the essence and the love, gentleness and kindness that runs through community.  There were 16 people in the group from 11 different countries (Emma from London, Dominic from Lancaster, Mark from Hamshire, Claudia & Patricia from Brasil, Marcus from Austria, John from USA, Hekla from Iceland, Mary from Australia, Doris & Pia from Germany, Ruben from Norway, Lucia from Argentina, Tsjeard from Holland and beloved Ria from Japan and our 2 focalisers Monika from Germany & John from England). We all bonded and connected very quickly.  At the Findhorn Foundation, there was a feeling of friendship and real nurturing immediately I arrived, and I loved it.  To be in such an aware space with aware people, and to share and eat with people, to laugh, to cry, to wash toilets, clean the sauna, work in a team, follow a meditative and attunement process of holding space and honouring each other all of the time was so amazing.  I fell in love with Findhorn and had many moments of not wanting to leave, feeling like I could just stay there forever filling my cup, and living a way of life that is so amazing.

Then last week I attended their 50th Birthday Conference - Love Magic & Miracles, and this time I moved to The Park, the original site where this Magic Findhorn Community began in 1962, with 3 founders living in a caravan park, right next to an air force base.  Now a thriving community expanding and growing, living with nature and working in ways of ecologically harmonious principals as well as the energy of Love in Action, its inspiring and shows me that with Spirit and Love it is possible. I shared a house called Diane's with a Scottish couple Fergus and Marion, and 3 other women, Ellie from USA, Marie from London and Janice who is Irish, but lives in Sussex and has previously lived at Findhorn for many years.  And we had so much fun and very many incredible conversations and wonderful moments of laughing deep, deep to the core, which is so amazing and uplifting.  The conference was an amazing opportunity for different teachers to inspire, inform, motivate and shower my senses with so much dynamic information.  Robert Holden, Caroline Myss, Andrew Harvey, Phillip Newel, Marko Pogachnik, David Spangler, Thomas Moore, Dr Ervin Lazlo, Geoff Daglish (South African), David & Vera Harmonic Temple, Sylvia Black (South African), Jay Ramsay and Judy McAllister, aswell as Barbara & Francois taking care of all the music and entertainment and magic in the most wonderful way.   I felt completely conferenced out by the end of the week. And I started the week with a dose of flu which just reflected a release and letting go for me after so many months of travelling and holding so much together.  There are many South Africans who live at Findhorn Foundation and visit every year, each with amazing stories and beautiful energy and it was so amazing to meet and connect with them.  Do you know that everyone loves our SA accent, people just loved the way I speak and kept telling me - that has been so much fun.

And then straight from the conference I stepped into 'Living as a Congruent Human Being' with Caroline Myss,   for 3 days of such spectacular information delivered in the most extra-ordinary, self opening and aware way, and this was an extremely life changing experience. And again I met more South Africans that had come for the workshop from Durban and Jozi and a wonderful woman Morag who runs a project in Umkomaas in Kwazulu Natal, and now lives in Cumbria UK, whom I connected very deeply with and who I know I will be working together with in the future.   I am still filtering and absorbing my experiences over the past 16 days,  and am now happily ensconced with my beloved friend Santosh, where I will be for the next 10 days, preparing for my return to SA and enjoying this opportunity of spending such wonderful quality time with a sacred, beloved friend. And my flu has continued into a full on infection so I am now resting and healing from in the soft cocoon of beloved Santosh's guest room and love energy.

 I love Findhorn, I love the peace and the feeling of complete safety I felt there, the opportunities to workshop, learn and share so much, to practice humility and love in action, the tuning in and connecting knowing that anything is possible and that miracles happen in each moment of each day.  Walking, meditating, sitting and being in a magic field of this story, connecting with amazing people from all over the world, making the most exceptional friendships that touched my heart so deeply making it really sad to say goodbye, all contributed to the most wonderful experience.  There are so many silent moments, spaces of such beauty and deep connection with nature and her beautiful spirits and devas in so many forms and designs.  Abundant birds and a sky that offers a dimension that is omnipresent and expanding.

Scotland is beautiful. WOW.  Driving from the Lakes to Inverness, then to Findhorn and now to Rosyth where Santosh lives, 30 miles from Edinborough, has been the most beautiful journey experiencing this expanding sky, cloud formations, hills and mountains, rivers, forests all of such beauty and so holy and sublime that my heart has been expanded by the majesty of Mother Earth and her Nature - a gift that is so extreme that words once again are insignificant.

And now as I prepare for the next 21 days of my journey before I leave the UK and fly home, and have a moment to reflect on my experiences and the exceptional adventure I have been on, I am so in awe of where I have been and the incredible people I have met and connected with.  And its not possible for me write it all in my blog as often my words are just so insignificant and can never capture the heart connections that I have witnessed and the immensity of the friendships that I have created, or the interactions and conversations I have had in different places with people who I may never see again or whose names I don't even know, and yet our encounters are placed like diamonds within my heart, each to be treasured and honoured for their beauty and significance.  And I am extremely grateful for it all.

When I arrive back in SA, I will stay on the Garden Route for November and then am planning to relocate to Cape Town to continue this adventure, and recreate my life.  I have decided to dedicate the next 5 years to writing a Masters on Drumming & Rhythm as a Therapeutic Tool and to writing my book on the Women in my life.  How this will unfold is the mystery, and an opportunity that I am open to and look so forward to.  Within this time, I plan to study Applied Psychology, travel and continue my research work with various groups around the world with whom I plan to facilitate rhythm workshops and research the benefits and the transformation process.  My work I am now calling Love in Action, which I am offering as service to the great Mother and All.  And my book to be written as an inspiration with wisdom and knowledge of living in these incredible times of change and transformation.

My adventure has just started, and having this opportunity to write and share my blog, has opened up my connection with the divine in a way that has created a excitement within me to write and continue learning, growing, sharing and inspiring as my life unfolds, and my divine sacred adventure will continue.  I am honoured and blessed to have so many exceptional people that have joined me on this journey and surround you all with blessed light and love as we continue, together, with love, magic and many many miracles.

I love you - I see you - I thank you - Om Shanti Shanti Shanti