Divine Seed

Its Sunday the 28th October, the day the clocks are set an hour back in the UK as winter is fast approaching and its cold here - very little sunshine.  And its 3 days before I fly home to South Africa after what has been the most amazing, inspiring, life changing experience and I am here in Chiswick, London staying with my wonderful friend Kara and her blessed family. I am super excited to land on SA soil, to feel and breathe the rhythm of Africa, to feel the warm sunshine and the openess of the Garden Route and the magic and sacred waters of my beloved river, the ocean the beaches and the beautiful people I hold in my heart, but there is a feeling of fear and I am feeling a certain amount of apprehension about my return and how its all going to be.  This is a good thing, why ?, because it gets me to observe what is happening for me and to ask the questions as to why I am feeling these emotions especially after all the amazing work I am doing and experiences I have been having over these past months.  My daughter said to me this morning - "Mom you have the power, you went to Russia !" and she is so right and I have been to places and done things that have created a brevity within myself that I never thought possible.

So why the fear about going home ?  there is much said about the issues in life that will always be there no matter where we go, or whom we are with, no matter what,  the issues will remain until they are dealt with and confronted and we take full responsibility for what is happening to create the issues.  When I left South Africa on this amazing journey, I had certain things that were not working for me in my life, I was lonely and needed to make changes.  And I have and I have been able to really confront my loneliness and also stimulate myself, meet amazing people, having unbelievable experiences all while living out of one suitcase and a backpack, and really get in touch with me, myself and I.  What an amazing journey this has been for me and many times I have commented on the reflection of my beauty and inspiration in the amazing people I have met and really deeply connected with.  And the gift and magic of it all - I have beloved friends all over the world and have conquered a huge
challenge - being alone !

So the fear about going home is about something else.  Its a projection and a wondering and a questioning of myself and the path that I have chosen to take as I walk my walk on this magnificent earth. I found this amazing quotation written by Hafiz just as I was sitting contemplating how to share what is happening with me and feeling compelled to do so.  It brings me to sharing my split open, the point of making the decision to walk the path of being congruent and walking my talk - becoming the Sacred Divine Adventurer inspiring and sharing my divine seed which in turn will inspire others to shine their light and be their magnificent selves.  And it is with this inspiration and this passion I decided to make a big change in my life and stop smoking marijuana 15 months ago.  When I made this decision I was at a crossroads in my life and I realized that to be authentic and really fulfill the essence of my life's purpose, I needed to clear away the fog and the clouds of deception.  I felt I was out of integrity and trying to balance a reality that was dishonest and filled with deceit.  The decision was an amazing one for me, and I really started feeling the shift almost immediately.  I had smoked for 23 years and only started when I was 27 years old, so it was an adult decision for me.  And it was amazing for me as I opened up to a part of myself that I didn't know existed and it assisted to meet friends and other people from all walks of life who were doing it too.  I felt accepted and part of something.  One of the most alive memories for me is that when smoking a joint with kitchen staff in bars and lounges in Cape Town in the 1980's,  when we were going through so much in our country, and the information of what was going on was withheld from us, the opportunity arose by sharing and chatting with people living in the townships,  giving me the opportunity to know more of what was happening and to share moments of compassion for the devastation.  Marijuana was the thing that brought us together, but it was the thing that exposed me to a darkness as well, and other drugs and the damage that it was doing to other's lives, especially young people.  I  always justified my usage and kept my world clear and filled with light and love, but if I am honest with myself and really look at the path that I decided to follow, this was an illusion.  We are all one and what I do and am part of, reflects in others and visa verse.  I carried this for 23 years.  And even when I stopped smoking I didn't realize how out of integrity I was with myself.  My journey has brought me to a new awareness now and it with this awareness that I need to make amends heal this part of my life.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He/She did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He/She will make all things right
if I surrender to His/Her Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him/Her
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

I return to South Africa and begin my new life with clarity, with congruency, with an openess and with an honesty and self respect at the space I am in.  I have undertaken a path of Love in Action with my life and my work, and as I grow and develop this truth in my life and walk on my path in full integrity, I know that there are moments where I may stand alone, and walk on shaky ground, where my truth is questioned or where I question myself and have to make decisions that are not always comfortable.  I have met quite a few people on my journey that have made the same decisions within their life to make changes about confronting addictions and working the steps to recovery, making amends and living a more spiritual life.  They are beautiful authentic people who hold the Grace of God deep within their heart and this has inspired me and filled me with a new found light and strength to step each step of my life connected with Spirit and in the Light of Love.  This is a blessed decision holding a huge amount of support and love.  This is the ancient fertile plain that I believe I hold title to.  And sharing my moment of splitting open and discovering something that has been holding me back and dimming my light, is such a congruent moment for me, as it gives me the sacred opportunity to be open and honest in everything that I do and say, even when I write my blog posts as a sacred divine adventurer.

 if light is in your heart you will find your way home - Rumi

Thank you for reading my splitting open sharing and for walking my path with me.  May I continue to inspire and honour this journey that I have undertaken and keep true to my word.  I am a blessed being filled with so much light and honour and blessings, and I truly hope that as I continue with this adventure, that the light will continue to shine brightly.

Until next time, Om Shanti Shanti Shanti xxx